It's 1C outside, and I'm huddled in my room, both roommates out, with my steaming green tea in my green M&M mug. I'm meant to be reading something for class tomorrow, but the school system is down. So now I have a proper reason to procrastinate!
Even if we're not official, I feel so lucky to have R around. I really, really do. He's one of the few things that made it exciting for me to come back to London. So many people around me want to stay another week back home, want to go back to HK already. I love that city, and it will always be my #1 favourite place in the world, but London's my life now. Because I have something/one to look forward to.
Which makes me think: without R, would I be as enthusiastic about coming back? Seeing my situation now, sitting in my room, bored out of my mind, it doesn't seem like London's that happening right now. Maybe it's because of the cold. I went to Tottenham Court Road just now, and couldn't bring myself to walk to Oxford Street because of the cold. I keep saying that London is loads of fun and I love it. But seriously, in all honesty, is London that exciting for me?
No. I doubt it. School's not particularly exciting, the weather's far from fabulous. It gets bright at 9am, then dark at 4pm. Food's not that great (unless I eat out, but that costs a bit)... Sounds dreary.
So I do count my lucky stars that I have R to look forward to. I have our dinner to be excited about. I have to endure some painful lectures and classes, but it's worth it.
It still shocks people when I tell them I've never had a serious boyfriend before. I haven't told the entire world, but those who I have told, tend to respond with, 'really? You don't seem like that type'. Not sure what that means. But I guess I get their drift. And it's not like I avoided being in a relationship. I don't have commitment issues. Just the right person never came along. I've had bad experiences that I've grown up from, and a couple of opportunities, but nobody really struck me as dateable or fanciable. Sure, I've eyed up guys before, thinking 'God, he's cute'. But if I really think about it, if that guy asked me on a date, would I be having fun? Would we be able to talk? I wouldn't be able to stand someone who couldn't hold a conversation with me.
Which is why I'm so confused about R. Should I even be? He is, after all, 'a great catch' and 'a legend'. I certainly know it. But am I falling hard just because he's the first guy I've truly let into my world? Is it all just innocent stupidity and naivity, thinking this one will be The One? Or is it the reverse: that he's the one guy I've truly become close with because in my mind I know he's the first guy who is actually worth my time?
I'm confuzzled. As I always am. And I know I shouldn't be. What's there to be confuzzled about?
This is what the London cold, and the LSE system failure, does to you.
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